Another Day, Another Reason to Be Fed Up

This job has been very frustrating for me so far. Every day I get mixed messages about what my role is at this school, and every day I end up feeling like a failure who can't do his job because I'm told that whatever I'm doing is wrong. I'm constantly struggling with self-doubt because it seems I'm making a mistake every time I do the slightest thing.

We're doing a special class right now where we teach the kids an English-language pop song, and I was asked to find a song. How exciting, right? I love music, and this would be a great chance to share that love! Or so I thought. I stayed up late the night before picking out several songs that I thought were grammatically correct, had good lyrics and that I thought they'd enjoy. I even tried to use the noraebang playlists for ideas about what Korean people might know.

As it turns out, my effort was for nothing. One of the English-speaking teachers bought a book that contained the lyrics, along with Korean translations, of a bunch of English pop songs that get played on a certain radio station, and she decided that one of those would be best, since "Korean people know them." Most of the songs in the book were either crap or stuff I didn't know, so there was nothing there to get excited about. Oh sure, she did listen to some of the ones I thought would be good, but she didn't need to hear more than a few seconds to say "no" to any of them. So now I have to go over the lyrics of ABBA's "I Have a Dream" two times a day with these kids and sing it with them repeatedly. Schlock 'n roll!

It's not having my suggestions rejected that bugs me, it's the fact that it felt like the other teacher didn't really want my input. It seemed like once she found a song in the book she wanted she was just going to find a reason why my songs weren't good enough. If my input isn't wanted or needed, don't give me the impression that it is. If I know what my place is, I can learn to function within it. If you leave it ambiguous, it just causes me internal conflict and adds to my stress.

That was a while ago though. The thing that's driving me insane now has to do with my water.

I have a bunch of different bills that need to be paid, but since they're all in Korean, it's a hassle trying to figure out what they're for and who they get paid to (and there's another that I always hear about, but it's never actually sent to me in paper form). I got my gas bill last week and I brought it into work to ask one of the English-speaking teachers there what it was for. She was shocked at how high the bill was, so she said to talk to the boss about it next week. So I bring it with me every day, but the boss doesn't show up any of those days. Finally on Thursday she comes, and she's also shocked by how high the bill is, so she calls the building manager about it, and he meets me after work to show me what's going on.

Now, this guy doesn't speak English, of course, so he sits and explains stuff to me, and despite my clearly not understanding, he just talks as if I do. I called the English-speaking teacher for help, so he talked to her and she explained that the issue with my gas bill being high is because my room has a heating system that maintains a certain temperature and therefore was using gas without my realizing it. So the guy turned it off for me, since, after all, it's summer, and I don't need heat running. The only problem is, the heating system is connected to my water heater, so I wanted to know the all-important question: How am I supposed to get hot water for a shower? I tried and I tried and I tried to figure this out, but he couldn't give me an answer. I motioned: "Do I turn on the gas valve?" "No!" (the only English word I think he knew). "Do I turn on this wall control panel?" "No!" "OK, then....so...how do I get hot water?" I pulled up Google Translate on my laptop to communicate but he refused to type his answer so I could get a translation of what he was saying. Before he left, he finally indicated that the wall control panel was the way to get hot water.

So it's past 1 AM now, I've been monkeying around with it and I just now finally figured out that the only way to get any hot water is to turn on the gas valve. I guess it'll be a constant process of turning on and off or else I'll end up with a sky-high bill. If the guy hadn't constantly told me not to do that, I might've figured it out sooner.

I think the pressure is getting to me, because I started experiencing some chest pains this afternoon. I'd experienced something similar at my old job, and it eventually went away. Hopefully I can have a relaxing weekend and it'll get better. I don't want to skip church, but I might have to, because that commute is rough on me.

Please don't e-mail me or comment about this post, because I really don't want to discuss it or listen to advice from people who aren't here and don't understand what it's like. I just need to vent, OK? The two months I've been here have just been constant frustration, and this is the only outlet I have for it.

EDIT 8/21: I've changed a few words here to make the tone seem less bitter and harsh than when I originally posted. My request not to receive e-mails about this post has predictably been ignored, however.

Video Tour

Hey, everyone. Sorry I haven't posted much lately, but I have a video for you. It's a small tour of my apartment building, which will hopefully give you something of an idea of the environment I'm in. I hope you enjoy it.