The Loony Teacher

It's still strange to think of myself as a teacher. I never imagined that one day I'd be the guy in business casual attire carrying a basket full of supplies and an insulated metal coffee cup to class. While I'm still learning, I feel like I'm developing a natural teaching style, and as I become more familiar with the classes and their protocol, I'm more able to project the image of a professional who knows what he's doing.

Learning the kids' names really helps. If you're able to address them directly, it's easier to make a connection with them. I hate to admit there are still several students whose names I don't have committed to memory, but hopefully before too long I'll know them all by heart. Of course, it's fun to come up with nicknames for them. A sampling of some of the ones I have so far:

Ben. There's a kid in one of my classes who looks like the Korean child equivalent of Ben Vereen. He's very smart, but unfortunately he's a bit of a smart aleck as well. If he bugs me I can get him back by calling him "Ben," which annoys him and prompts him to correct me on his name.

My Nemesis. This one kid seems like he can never stop moving his arms, so he's constantly tossing things in the air or pounding on the desk. Needless to say, he can be a bit annoying to deal with. Whenever I see him outside of class I jokingly say "Oh, my nemesis. We meet again." I don't think he has a clue what I'm saying, and it's probably just as well.

Minnie. This boy has shown up to class wearing a Minnie Mouse t-shirt several times, so I started calling him that in an attempt to tease him about it. He's the token sluggard in that class, so he usually doesn't seem to notice when I say it.

Motormouth. This kid has a habit of talking constantly. It almost seems like his mouth is running beyond his control, hence the nickname you see here. He seems to have embraced the nickname, which makes me feel kind of cool. His glove in center field probably won't give Paul Blair a run for his money, though.

Hummingbird. This one was actually adopted by the kid himself. In this class the kids are being taught about different birds, and this one started calling himself "Cockatoo" at first. Somewhere along the line he decided he wanted to be "Hummingbird" instead, and I've been calling him that ever since.

I'm sure some better nicknames will develop in the future, but right now these are the best I can do.

So what is my teaching style like? Well, it actually varies from class to class. In the classes that require more energy to keep the students focused I might best be described as a bizarre hybrid of Conan O'Brien, "Weird Al" Yankovic, Danny Kaye and a drugged-up squirrel (you know, all my comedy influences, except the drugged-up squirrel). I'm sure it must be quite a sight. The kids are often either entertained or frightened, but at least they pay attention, which can be half the battle. For the classes where I have Korean co-teachers, I can usually tone it down a bit, though I occasionally go into crazy-happy mode when the students seem to be dragging.

There are a lot of kids (particularly younger ones) who enjoy harassing the teacher, so they direct remarks at me like "teacher is crazy" or "teacher is loony." Hey, I don't take it personally. I'm not there to be their buddy, I'm there to teach them. As long as they're learning I can go home at the end of the day satisfied.

I often surprise myself with the things I find myself doing. I'm not currently involved with improv, but teaching these classes feels a lot like it sometimes. You constantly have to think on your feet, and that spontaneous joy of discovery shows up a lot.

I'm not a very touchy-feely person, but I've sort of become one when I teach. Because kids are constantly getting up from their seats, you constantly have to be dragging them back. With those physical contact barriers broken down, I frequently find myself touching their faces and heads whenever I need to get them to cooperate. This past week I've even come up with a new threat do direct at the boys who act up in class: the mustache. I take a black dry-erase marker and walk over to the misbehaving kid. I grab his face and say "OK, you're getting a mustache!" It gets them to behave temporarily. Like with most things improv, I have no idea what inspired me to do that, but when you commit to your choices, they usually result in success.

Another big part of my in-class persona is that I imitate the students. When they're speaking Korean instead of English like they're supposed to, I'll phonetically mimic them, which often gets a laugh. When students are laughing amongst themselves I'll walk over to the desk and start laughing with them, often going above and beyond the level of their actual laughter. It's somewhat akin to Tabern laughing at Alex the Clown (few outside my family will get that reference).

Today I even pulled out a famous Family Matters moment. You know that episode where Eddie comes home after his curfew and Carl is angry with him? Remember how right after Eddie's friends exit the scene Eddie's still laughing inanely and Carl sarcastically imitates him? It's pretty legendary among my siblings and me. Today I imitated a kid with that same sarcastic laugh and the class broke up. One kid even fell on the floor because he was laughing so hard. Good old Reginald VelJohnson. Funny in any language.

I'm surprised at how far I've come already. It seems like just yesterday I was walking around totally clueless, and now here I am feeling more and more comfortable in my role. As always, I'm not sure what else this job has in store for me, but as I've mentioned before, I love being able to impart my knowledge of the English language to others. Could this end up being the first job I've ever had that I loved? Well, you know, I wouldn't mind that.